???

Every once in a while I get this odd feeling, where I feel detached from my surroundings - almost like I'm an observer, watching everything happen around me, rather than a participant in what's happening. When I get into this detached mode, nothing seems to make sense, or more to the point, nothing seems to ultimately have a meaning... the normal everyday things people do to get to some goal whether it be to accumulate wealth, be loved, gain knowledge, recognition etc. it just all seems meaningless... you get it all.. then what?? Then nothing.

Maybe that's the only truth in life; everything leads to nothing. Unless of course, you believe you're gonna die and go to some eternal heaven or eternal hell.. but even then.. then what?? you just live forever and ever, and whether it's an eternity of punishment or relaxation, you'll end up living the ultimate form of vacuousness (is that a word?). I love life, despite not understanding the point of it, and part of that love is probably due to the knowledge that I have a limited amount of time to live it... but living it forever is too long, why are people so attracted to forever anyway??

Whatever.. this is becoming pointless babble. I need coffee.

Promise

Should I ever have children of my own, I promise to not expect their lives to be a recycled version of my own, and I promise to try my best to remember that they will have their own dreams, ambitions and goals, which will not necessarily be the equivalent of whatever I envisaged for them and I will encourage them to pursue their goals.


Perhaps it's selfish, but should it come between fulfilling the dreams of those around me or my own, I choose my own. Life's too short to spend it trying to get a nod of approval from everyone. Besides, when you succeed, everyone is forced to nod their approval.

what if?

I hate "what if" thoughts. Thinking them means I'm stuck in the past and not thinking of my present nor future, also, it makes me feel weak since I'm unable to reverse past decisions and the fact that I would want to reverse any decision I made in the past makes me feel even weaker. "What if" thoughts make me realise that I'm not as strong as I think I am, they make me realise that I can be foolish, rash and impulsive. The most torturous aspect of them is the feeling of regret and then wondering if you should be feeling regret...

They use up too much brain power, and it's wasted power for the most part.

On fate & faith

Last Saturday, a truck full of ammunition exploded in Khartoum leaving several people injured. It was initially reported that no one died but later there was a report of the death of young man. He wasn't on the road where it happened, but he had actually just come back from work and went to lie down, when one of the explosives penetrated the wall of this room going straight to his head. It was sad to hear that story, he was young and successful, had just started up his own company and out of nowhere something like that happens to him.

It does make me, pause for a second and wonder about fate, if it was something meant to happen, after all, had he not lied down on his bed or if he hadn't been in his room he would still be alive today. But then again, I'm not so sure since believing in fate/destiny would make life seem somewhat pointless if your path in life was already set for you, and ultimately would mean that we have no freewill since that will is controlled by a supreme being. This was one of my issues with the concept of God already knowing if we were meant to go to heaven or hell. If He already knows then what's the point in creating us? Is it to have a reason to put us in heaven or hell?? If so, why does a supreme being need a reason?? Is it to be fair and just?? But how fair and just is it since He already chose the path?? Isn't it also slightly sadistic (for those going to hell).

This is one of many reasons as to why I generally can't bring myself to find a lot of truth in any of the religions I've read, or read about, although I do believe in the existence of a supreme being but I just don't think He exists in the form envisaged by many religions, namely the Abrahamic ones, where He has human-like attributes e.g. fairness, justice, feels anger and happiness... I don't know, I just think a supreme being wouldn't have the same attributes as a mere mortal.

Yeah I know it's bad to laugh at the misfortune of others, but this is funny! and you don't need to know Arabic to get this, as long as you can put up with the voice for a few seconds :D